By: Jon Dougal - Tuesday, November 15, 2005
major research institution has recently announced the discovery
of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element
has been named "Governmentium".
Governmentium
(Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons,
and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like
particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons,
it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A
minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over
four days to complete, when it would normally take less than
a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it
does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange
places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons
to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of
moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium
is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When
catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -
an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium
since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
~ Received via email from good friend Timothy
Bonnel ~
“The highest glory of the American Revolution was
this: It connected, in one indissoluble bond, the principles
of civil government with the principles of Christianity”
~ John Qunicy Adams ~
